During his visit in May last year the Chief Constable was escorted by Dutch Police to three different cafés and shown Cannabis menus listing different flavours from a variety of countries. He took the two day trip as part of his research for the enquiry.

The Times.

The region’s first millennium baby would almost certainly have been Moffat’s medical secretary Janice Quigley, if she’d been born 21 years later.

Moffat News.

Plain black leather look men size 8 unwanted git bargain £10.

Small advertisements in Worthing Herald.

A woman who ‘phoned Sussex Police Call Centre in Brighton to say she’d found a hole in the road was put through to the Lost Property department

Daily Telegraph.

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words ‘Give me all your money or I’ll shoot’ the man shouted ‘That’s not what I said’.

South China Morning Post.

Effluent English spoke in here.

Fuertaventura Grapevine.

Johnny Gapp, the reigning world champion deaf magician thought he was well on the way to retaining his title when judges in Nagpur, India, disqualified him for hearing too much. Mr Gapp said yesterday ‘I produced my Hearing Test Certificate as proof that I was deaf but they wouldn’t listen’.

Daily Telegraph.

Main public lavatories on the station are closed from 6th April for approximately eight weeks while major refurbishment takes place. Alternative facilities are available in the roadway between platforms 8 and 10.

Sign on Liverpool Street station concourse.

This afternoon we’ll be meeting at the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptised at both ends.

Wisley Parish Newsletter.

While other 18 year olds are spending far too much time in the pub’, Timothy Fielding is intent in making the Tory Party a farce to be reckoned with in his town.

Hornby Times.

Dunblane suffers the indignity of being described in the Stirling Observer newspaper as the flashing capital of Central Region. Police had to deal with 11 incidents of indecent exposure in the town last summer compared withonly 4 in Stirling. The situation is put in some perspectiveby Central’s Chief Constable, Ian Oliver, who said ‘I’m not too concerned, it tends to fall off in the winter’.

Glasgow Herald.

I would like to point out that Emma Kirkby who is performing at St. Saviour’s Church on Sunday 15th is in fact a celebrated singer and not as our previous report stated a celebrated swinger.

St. Albans Observer.

8.30 Food & Drink. Anthony Worrell Thompson prepares beef stew with dumplings before visiting a local brewery where Oz Clarke pours the pints for his rugby playing friends. Meanwhile Emma Crowhurst prepares a french tart for the crew.

Radio Times.

Female, 26, human rights activist into gender politics, ecological issues, political philosophy and world salvation seeks male for light-hearted fun.

Essex County Standard.

Police in Seaton, Devon, are searching for an elderly woman in a motorised wheelchair after she reversed into the window of a closed shop. The pensioner caused more than £1000 of damage before making a low speed getaway at 8mph.

The Times.

Pensioner and old soldier Mr. William Duffy has rung the diary to bring Hornchurch’s attention to an upsetting incident he experienced upon arrival last week at Marseilles airport. Officials asked if there were any foodstuffs in his luggage and Mr. Duffy showed them his bottle of HP sauce. It was confiscated on the spot. “I have been taking HP sauce to France for nearly 50 years” said an outraged Mr. Duffy, “This is the first time this has ever happened. I suppose it is all about Foot and Mouth disease. As I live in an upstairs flat in the middle of Hornchurch I cannot believe my sauce could have become contaminated. I tried to explain this to the customs man but he refused to listen”.

Diary item, Hornchurch Advertiser.

Things to remember if you’re holding public meetings: Point No. 1. Book a hall.

Election Campaign Guide.