Regarding a will whose main beneficiary was Jesus Christ: A lot of people have applied for this money in the interim since he died. 3 volumes of files each 6” thick contain the details of hundreds of claims in the bequest including one from an American door to door salesman. He claimed he was entitled to the money on the basis that whenever he knocked on a door he was greeted with the response ‘Jesus Christ, not you again’.

Daily Telegraph.

Wiltshire and Bath organist association organ day. This event is an introduction to playing the organ. Grade 3 piano standard needed by participants. All ages welcome. There will be plenty of hands on opportunities at several organs.

Bath Fringe Festival programme.

The Case for Castration: Geldings canter happily on and off the racecourse. Animal lovers think nothing of spaying their favourite cats and dogs; holy men of the church resorted to castration so as to ensure that Choirboys voices never broke; and yet when faced with the escalating problem of the paedophile we pussyfoot around, preferring to house, feed and guard him at enormous expense to the taxpayer. I suggest as a matter of urgency that a committee of experts be set up to start the ball rolling.

Wiltshire Gazette & Herald.

Downcroft Nursery specialising in removal of existing glasshouses and erection of single swellings.

Advertisement in Sussex Express.

With reference to our court report in last week’s issue we would like to point out that Graham Richards was charged with threatening three boys with a pool cue and not a mother as stated in the article.

Northwich Guardian.

The latest New Scientist reports that the Compaq computer company is to change the on-screen instruction ‘press any key’ to ‘press the return key’. This, it seems, is because Compaq cannot cope with the ‘phone calls asking where the ‘any key’ is.

Daily Telegraph.

“President Clinton is a better saxophone player than a golfer” says Dan, head pro. of Little Rock’s Country Golf Club, “but the President does have one thing going for him. Secret Agents line the fairways for his protection and to help him with his wayward shots. His balls are unmistakable but sometimes they have a life of their own”.

Daily Express.

Algarve Resident Magazine.

Hot tickets: J J Murphy’s decent ales and Irish food freshly prepared by our chef Mohammed.

Washington Post.