The government joined forces with a cancer charity to promote an increase in consumption of high fibre cereals as a defence against bowel cancer. The campaign launched yesterday in the commons followed an early day motion signed by dozens of MPs.

The Independent.

The preview of Broadway’s latest multi-million dollar musical ‘Titanic’ was cancelled because due to technical problems the ship wouldn’t sink.

Daily Telegraph.

A starving seagull fledgling which fell from a nest on a Scarborough chimney pot and rolled into the gutter from which it was unable to move owes its survival to the householder Mrs. Maureen Littleton who stood in the garden and shot kipper fillets at it from a catapult.

Yorkshire Evening Post.

Daisy the pantomime cow was found guilty of aggravated trespass in Andover this week after taking part in demonstrations against the Newbury by-pass. Both ends of the cow pleaded Not Guilty but were given conditional discharges and ordered to pay £50 costs each. The front end is considering an appeal.

The Friend Magazine.

Jogger Rob Garside interrupted his attempt to run round the world after being shot at in Russia. He returned to buy a bullet proof vest.

Sunday Telegraph.

We tend not to live in the council estates he conceded but actually happen to live very close to one and our Post Office is there and our local newsagent and our greengrocer is there and my gardener lives there so I think I have a little idea of what goes on. Judge Martin Tucker recently jailed a bag snatcher for life.

Glasgow Herald.

In Sydney rejected spouse Arlon Pumpleweed parachuted into his wife’s second marriage disguised as a penis. Mr. Pumpleweed had been devastated when wife Marcia left him citing as her reason his failure to satisfy her sexually. When she announced she was remarrying he realised drastic action was needed. It was an outdoor ceremony he explained and I decided to sky-dive into it wearing a penis costume. The idea was to land on the altar and shout ‘This big enough for you, Marcia?’. Unfortunately as Mr. Pumpleweed descended from on high he was blown off course by freak winds landing instead in the middle of a teddy bears’ picnic. ‘We told the kids that it was a tall pink teddy with a funny hat on’ sighed the picnic’s organiser, ‘but I don’t think they believed us’.

The Big Issue.

Now pregnant with her eleventh child she feels she has finally met a man who will stand by her although she admits he is currently in prison on remand. His name is Winston Allen, she says that’s how truthful and good this man is, he’s told me his surname.

Daily Mail.

The Independent.

Electricians working on the cargo centre at Heathrow Airport walked out last night in a protest over conditions. A site insider said there are 7 toilets between 500 men and there aren’t any toilet seats. We’re not standing for it any more.

Construction News.

Len Manning, 73, a wartime RAF gunner has been reunited with Herbert Altner, the Luftwaffe fighter pilot who shot him down for his 80th birthday.

Sunday Telegraph.

Elderly gent own home and car, non-smoker, seeks younger lady who can drive for mutual help, outings etc. No dogs.

Small advertisement.

The Peoples’ Canal: photographs depicting the sweat and spit that went into the Manchester Ship Canal.

Manchester City Life Magazine.

Pictured above is the bulldog ‘Bosun’, the product of 14 years of cross-breeding with its owner Ken Wallace.

The Times.

Two members of the Lothian and Borders Traffic Police were out on the Berwickshire Moors with a radar gun recently, happily engaged in apprehending speeding motorists when their equipment suddenly locked up completely with an unexpected reading of well over 300mph. The mystery was explained seconds later as a low flying Harrier hurtled over their heads. The boys in blue upset at the damage to their radar gun put in a complaint to the R.A.F., but were somewhat chastened when the R.A.F. pointed out that the damage to police resources might well have been more severe: the Harrier’s target seeker be locked on to the enemy radar and trigger an automatic air to surface attack.

Pilot Magazine.

Queens College, Harley Street. The annual summer party will be held at the college on Wednesday. All old Queens are welcome.

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