In a decision by the High Court this week the DOPE (Departmentment of Pensions and Employment) has been ordered to allow the Anne Summers Group, the well-known purveyors of crutchless knickers and vibrators, to display their wares in Jobcentres throughout the UK.

An Anne Summers spokesman said "We are delighted. We have suffered for years not being able to recruit staff because of this Government blindness at DOPE and the Home Office, depriving people access to the exciting prospects that our products can give, whereas other employers have been even able to hold recruitment sessions at Jobcentres. Our recruitment policy is much more fun and we're particularly anxious to recruit many young nubile ladies.

"Customers at Jobcentres will love it and demonstrating our products will allievate the long tedious wait whilst their advisor finishes the computer game they are playing before attending to them".

A Government spokesman, Sir Edwin Twat, however, claimed "This outrageous decision will mean that anyone not accepting employment from this lascivicious organisation will automatically lose their benefit under the terms of the agreement they are obliged to sign. There are many decent people in this country who wish to uphold traditional British values and now have the choice of being degraded or starve to death".

Our survey of unemployed people at a Jobcentre in Woking produced mixed results. Most male interviewees thought it 'a brilliant idea' but many female jobseekers felt that there were certain aspects of their life that they didn't want publicly displayed.

A member of staff commented "We enjoy sniggering at the customers anyway, this can only make things better".