Dear Hannah,
I discovered four years ago that my boyfriend (now husband and father of my child) was engaging in telephone conversations with prostitutes. It caused tremors in our relationship at the time. Counselling did not work but we talked very openly and I decided to forgive him.
Last February, the police rang our doorbell and wanted to see my husband. He later confessed he had stopped a woman in the street and chatted her up. She became scared and called the police who came to investigate. Our relationship was at a low point and I was again understanding. He promised he would communicate more with me when he felt unhappy and we put the incident behind us.
A few days ago I answered the phone and found myself communicating with the owner of a brothel who complained my husband had been very rude over the phone with one of the girls working for her. He confessed he had been ringing sexually arousing chatlines repeatedly in the past few days and again felt very guilty.
I am feeling deeply hurt by the recurrence of these incidents and my trust in him is shattered. He promises he has never slept with any other woman and says he just wants to satisfy his fantasies when his feelings towards me are ‘flat’. He also says he loves me. I want to save my relationship but feel it is at risk if things do not get sorted out. What shall I do?

Aggie Pratt replies: You’re a bit of an optimist aren’t you? This problem first appeared before you were married. I don’t know why but many women have this inane idea that they can change men. You can’t. What you see is what you get with the unfortunate exception that you can’t see into their mind.
People don’t change just because you find out more about them. In your case the decision is easy: you will either have to live with it or without it, which means without him.

Dear Clare,
I’m married to the most perfect man you could wish to find, who’s been wonderful helping me bring up my two daughters after my husband died.
It was so unfair that this month he was made redundant. However my sister-in-law suddenly told me last week that my daughter, who’s 30, had rung her up in tears. My husband had dropped round to put up some shelves, and had suddenly said he fancied her.
When she shouted at him, he apologised in tears and left the house. When I accused him, he burst into tears again and begged me to let him stay. My daughter’s torn up all the photographs of him. I’ve insisted he stay in the spare bedroom and I’m devastated.

Aggie Pratt replies: Storms and teacups spring to mind here. After all what has happened? Your husband told your daughter (no relation to him) that he fancied her. Your daughter is old enough to have been able to tell him to naff off and stop being so silly. Both you and your daughter have over-reacted. Her hysteria and your puerile reaction have combined to make a trivial situation into a probably irrevocable one. There is no future in your relationship whilst your wonderful husband — your words — is sentenced to the spare room. How about inviting the daughter in question to your house, all three of you sitting down with a glass of wine and having a jolly good laugh about it all.