Dear Deidre,
I had a wonderful husband who was so kind he brought up my daughter as if she were his own. She was, in fact, the result of a passionate affair I’d had with my then married boss, and it all happened before I met my husband. However last year my husband died, and my daughter, who is 25, learned that she had a different father and was very upset.
I’ve since heard that my ex-boss is now a widower and seriously ill in hospital. I would so love to see him again, and introduce him to his daughter, but do you think I should? I can’t sleep from anxiety.

Aggie Pratt says: What a very stupid woman you are. You’ve had an affair with a married man, a complete and utter bastard who hasn’t had the slightest interest in your daughter for 26 years (unless he didn’t know about her but then you should have told him), you’ve never told your daughter who her real father is and now you want see this man again! How did your daughter find out, I wonder. Has she only recently seen her birth certificate? Does your daughter want to see her natural father? Have you even asked her? Don’t use your daughter just because you want to see this man again. If she does then you can see him together, if not you can always go on your own if you must, but for heaven’s sake prevaricate no longer or he might have died whilst you were making up your mind.

Dear Virginia,
Four years ago I met and fell in love with the man of my dreams. I loved him so much I didn’t even think it was such a big deal when he told me he liked to dress in women’s clothes. I am 30, he is 31. We hit it off right from the start and fell in love. I couldn’t have wished to meet a nicer man. We had so much in common. After a year he dropped the bombshell about cross dressing. We did a lot of talking and I realised I could cope with it, though that surprised me.
In fact we’ve developed an even stronger bond as friends, sharing our views on clothes and make-up. He asks my opinion on the female issues and says he really values being able to share the part of himself he has always hidden. We booked our wedding date for six months time, though none of our friends or family have been told.
I thought he wanted it just to be our little secret, but just lately he has started drinking heavily and getting depressed. He was nasty towards me, something he has never been in the past. We’ve argued more in the past month than in all our time together. Just the other day he let slip his real worry. He now wants to go for a sex change operation. I’ve told him I could never accept him as a woman.
He says he understands but I know he really doesn’t want to get married. I feel he has just used me. Should I just give up my dreams? Is there any hope for our relationship?

Aggie Pratt says: Do you often dream of people like this? You certainly do have a lot in common — clothes and cosmetics for a start. You can never accept him as a woman and he doesn’t want to marry you. Where’s the problem? It’s pointless clinging onto dreams so far removed from reality. You’re only 30 for goodness sake, go and find somebody else and do try not to make such a fool of yourself next time.