THE ALTERNATIVE ENGLISH DICTIONARY
C - D

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catalyst (adj) livestock farmer
celibate (n) virgin fish.
cenotaph (n) a Welsh laxative.
circumstantial (n) circumcision on a really big baby.
circumvent (n) The opening in front of boxer shorts.
claustrophobia (n) fear of Father Christmas.
cocoa bean (n) an ex-clown.
coffee (n) person who is coughed upon.
collonade (n) fizzy enema
contraband (n) US counter-revolutionary orchestra.
contretemps (n) cat fight.
coq-au-vin (n) French gigolot service.
countryside (v) to kill Piers Morgan.
covenant (n) female insect with dealings with evil spirits.
defence (n) something to sit on for people who can’t make up their minds.
deliver (n) shop specialising in green cheese.
diarrhoea (n) unattractive bottom.
dictator (n) humorously shaped tuber.
dipthong (v) to wash an undergarment.
disappear (v) to insult a Lord.
dumpling (n) small lump of excrement.