THE ALTERNATIVE ENGLISH DICTIONARY
N - Q

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negligent (n) a man who wears a negligee.
negligent (adj) a condition in which you absent-mindedly open the door in your nightie.
noisette (n) a small noise esp. a small crunch whilst eating chocolates.
overage (n) number of overs bowled at a cricket match.
overcast (adj) high class
oxbow lake (n) an EU surplus of oxbows
oyster (n) A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
pandemic (n) an outbreak of saucepans
pandemonium (n) a musical instrument made of pans
parsnip (n) dad’s vasectomy.
patronage (n) elderly cantankerous customer in pub, usually sitting in corner by himself.
pewter (n) person who arrives early for church in order to obtain a particular seat.
pile driver (n) suppository.
placebo (n) Spanish tenor who does nothing.
polygon (n) dead parrot
pontificate (n) a certificate of authentication that you are the pope
portent (n) milllenium dome.
precision (adv) before surgery
propaganda (n) a post for one-legged male geese.
psychiatric (v) to guess correctly three times consecutively.
quattrocento (n) person who sings Suzie Quatro 15 times.