THE ALTERNATIVE ENGLISH DICTIONARY
R - Z

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rancour (n) Japanese term of abuse.
rapscallion (n) funky spring onion.
rectitude (n) 1 formal dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before examining you. 2 angle at which a thermometer should be inserted.
reflex (v) renew wiring to an electrical appliance.
relief (n) spring growth
reside (v) defect.
retsina (n) eye lotion.
saltation (n) excessively seasoned dish.
sangria (adj) without Germaine.
semi-colon (n) a half-arse
shambolic (n) padded Y-fronts
skulduggery (n) archaeological excavation.
snuff box (n) coffin.
spade (n) tool for removing ovaries.
subvert (n) green underwater vessel.
Tagliatelle (n) Italian state television.
testicle (n) humorous question in an exam.
titillate (n) delayed puberty
tomahawk (n) a vegetable of prey.
trampoline (n) cleansing fluid for tramps.
transpire (adv) downwind of burning livestock carcasses
unction (n) no effing use.
versant (adj) rhyming.
wallaby (n) someone aspiring to be a kangaroo.
willy-nilly (n) cycling accident.
wisteria (n) laughing until you wet yourself.