THE ALTERNATIVE ENGLISH DICTIONARY
E - H

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egret (n) an apology sent by computer.
esplanade (v) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
feedback (v,n) vomit.
fibrillate (v) tell a lie in the wee hours of the morning
fragrant (n) sweet smelling tramp.
fondue (n) an affectionate sheep.
gastronome (n) small person prone to excess wind.
gruelling (adj) of a consistency of porridge.
handkerchief (n) cold storage
harbinger (n) merry drinker.
harmonica (n) amusing name.
hatchet (n) a small brood.
headband (n) top of bill at rock concert.
hiding (n) bell that is difficult to reach.
hippocampus (n) university for horses.
hoarding (n) prostitute’s microwave.
hobnob (n) cooking accident.
homophobe (n) dislike of The Simpsons.
honeydew (n) woman who regularly arrives late.
hosepipe (n) a dance by sailors wearing socks.
human (n) lumberjack.
humpty dumpty (n) one who is humped and dumped.
hustle-bustle (n) 19th century kerb crawler.